…or rather, five distinct, equally exasperating Hawk personas (The Leslie Nielson Side, The Andy Rooney Side, The Jim Ross Side, The Glenn Beck Side and The John Wayne Side), all summarized by South Side Sox. The longtime White Sox broadcaster is not, in the author’s estimation, “the best play by play announcer in baseball” (whew).  However, he’d not swap the former Nehru jacket pioneer for the likes of Gary Cohen or Vin Scully simply,”because he’s fucking Hawk Harrelson.”

For instance, when he would say, “That’s how you get a 16,000 square foot house in Scottsdale” every time Konerko did anything.* Hawk thought he was so clever coming up with this. But it became so predictable and so unclever that it became increasingly hysterical.

*I have a very vivid memory of Paul Konerko doing that flicky half-swing that he does, dumping the ball into right field, and Hawk promptly belted “That’s how you get a 16,000 square foot house in Scottsdale.” Really, Hawk? That’s specifically how it’s done? Surely you can’t be serious?

Richard Roeper tweeted: “If Hawk Harrelson dropped every play by play cliche, his entire verbal output would consist of his misuse of the word “meanwhile.”” It’s funny because it’s true. Maybe it’s not ideal that our play-by-play commentator can’t be taken seriously, but in Harrelson’s case, I like this side of him. He’s like Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation. Eddie has his deficiencies – the metal plate in his head, his lack of any income, his horny dog, etc –  but at the end of the day, he is still family and it wouldn’t be Christmas without him. The same goes for Hawk Harrelson. He’s part of the White Sox family. It wouldn’t be a White Sox game without him.