Well, some of it, anyway. While the Guardian’s Philly based correspondent and “Teenage Tits Out Terror Totty” author Steven Wells (above) has already mocked Iggles fans, the former American Pastime and Mike Eruzione, yet draws a line in the sand when it comes to sneering at America’s alleged ignorance of The Beautiful Game.

Who could forget the 2002 World Cup and Gary Lineker reading from a typically and hilariously stoopid Yank match report: “Wolff procrastinates over a sideline handpass and is ref-charged for clock abuse” and “he top-bodies the sphere into the score-bag, and Mexico have a double-negative stat!”Oh those pig-ignorant cack-gobbed Yank wankers! How we laughed. What more confirmation could we possibly need that these gibbering, thumb-fingered mouth-breathers will never understand the beautiful game?

Of course, it turned out Gaz was reading a marvellous Guardian Unlimited spoof. Hell, I laughed. And so did Lawrence Dallaglio when he repeated the quotes the next night on a different TV show. And so did the studio audience. Which is when the penny dropped. This isn’t just how Brits think Americans perceive soccer – this is how Brits need to think Americans perceive soccer. And that, actually, is a little bit sad.

We – a substantial chunk of us, anyway – are desperately scared that association football will succeed in America. That the USA will become a footballing power. That the yanks will develop a version of the beautiful game as irresistible as jazz, rock’n’roll or the amazing American language (and unless you’ve checked the English/American phrase books handed out to GIs in 1942, you probably have no idea how much American you speak, limey).

Why are we scared? Because as a nation we have a desperate need to feel superior to the vibrant barbarian culture that’s replaced us as top global ass-kicker.

Face it, feeling superior to Americans is about all we’ve got left. But the list of things we actually do better than the Yanks is slim and getting slimmer. Did you know that the bastards even brew decent beer these days?

So what have we got left to be smug about? Wensleydale cheese, Ricky Gervais, Theakston Old Peculier and Helen Mirren. And, oh yeah, football.