A few weeks back, a gentlemen representing something called The Austin Music Blogger Awards asked me to vote on a number of categories, with a Fender-sponsored awards show taking place at the Spiderhouse Ballroom on February 27.

I politely declined, explaining that since I had some sort  of record label relationship with two of the artists nominated, I shouldn’t be eligible to participate. You’d hope, right?

(Impalers – shown performing at an alternative to an alternative of a bogus awards gala, ie. a real show)

Even so, this would’ve been a tough thing to do with a straight face.  That a collection of Austin’s music blogs somehow determined that neither of Spray Paint‘s 2013 albums were amongst the top 5 Austin records of last year is pretty hard to fathom.  Likewise, the omission of the Impalers’ 540 LP was pretty curious.   We’re expected to believe an alleged expert nominating committee had to come up with the town’s Top 5 Venues, and Beerland mysteriously didn’t make the cut?  That Renate Winter, Ángel Delgado-Reyes or Stephen Michael Ruud aren’t amongst the city’s top photographers?

Obviously, there’s differences of opinion about this. The esteemed panel of judges from music blogs that I wouldn’t read if you put a gun to my head are entitled to theirs, just as I’m allowed to state their attempts to acknowledge excellence on a local/regional level feel kinda like, y’know, they have no fucking idea what’s going on.  I expressed as much to the fella who wrote to me, and  he replied that they’re trying to provide “an alternative to the Austin Music Awards”.

Sorry, but pretending the American Sharks are a more interesting band than Spray Paint isn’t an alternative to anything.

Still, because I’d rather be constructive than merely puke all over this noble attempt to sell drinks at the Spiderhouse, I will note the organizers have failed to reveal their nominees for The 2014 Austin Music Blogger Lifetime Achievement Award. I can totally understand the oversight — I’m surprised anyone can stay awake listening to Jess Williamson, let alone put together a huge event honoring her.  So in the spirit of community, here’s the AMBLA nominees :

a) La Snacks
b) Art Acevedo (the Chief Of Police, not the band)
c) Art Acevedo (the band, not the Chief of Police)
d) Cunto!
e) Lance Vallaincourt

If you’re wondering who’s gonna win, well, as they say at most Spiderhouse events besides the poetry slam, good seats are still available.