“How can we find Osama Bin Laden if we can’t find Chuck Knoblauch?” asks Pulp of The Gil Meche Experience. “On the other hand, if the Knoblauch bounty reaches Osama levels, I’m all over it.”

So let me get this straight. We have the PATRIOT Act and the NSA is eavesdropping on our phone calls and we can’t find a guy who forgot how to throw a baseball from second base to first base? At least we’ll know what books those dastardly Unitarian Universalists are reading. This does beg the question though, Where’s Chuck? Some possibilities:

  • Shrank himself down, hiding in his Rookie of the Year Trophy

  • Fled to Mexico, sailing with Andy and Red

  • Turned himself into a cartoon, guest starring on Aqua Teen this week with John Kruk

  • Is masquerading as Secretary of Veteran’s Affairs, Dr. James Peake

  • You ever see “Serving Sara”? No, me neither, but still…

  • Is hiding in plain sight at Kauffman Stadium

  • Stalking the underbelly of early 1960s New York

  • Did so much steroids he turned himself into a being pure energy

I’ve seen “Serving Sara” on cable, and with all due respect to the many talented people who toiled on it, said motion picture is not the finest achievement in Bruce Campbell’s filmography.