Leaving no angle uncovered when it comes to the most terrifying news story of recent memory —- Boston’s 5 game losing streakthe Globe’s Nick Cafardo reports that new restrictions on carry-on luggage have resulted in David Ortiz moving his cologne to the checked bags.

In other Papi-razzi notes, the Herald mentions that Ortiz has never been to Maine and isn’t quite sure where it is, and as such, the state’s Governor, John Baldacci is sending the deadly DH 41 Maine lobsters.

On a similar tip, I’ve never been to Seoul and I’m not sure I could find it on a map. So if anyone would like to send me one of Samsung’s new 102 inch plasma TV’s, I promise to become just as adept a fielder as David Ortiz.