Claiming that Tonio K.’s Monday Night Football debut “was enough to make one yearn for Dennis Miller,” (ouch), Kornheiser’s Washington Post colleague Paul Farhi buried the “Bald As I Wanna Be” author in this morning’s paper.

Kornheiser is the first to admit he’s no matinee idol, but he looked oddly washed out under the TV lights (this may explain why ESPN had close-ups of Tirico and Theismann, as well as sideline reporters Michele Tafoya and Suzy Kolber, but not Kornheiser). Some unsolicited advice: Tony, get a tan.

As Dan Patrick reminded his ESPN radio listeners earlier today, Kornheiser was treated for skin cancer over the summer.

Asked to respond by Patrick, Kornheiser took the criticism in stride, calling Farhi, “a two-bit slug…I’d like to run him over with a Mack truck.”