…not when there’s an Angels blogger more than up to the task.  Following today’s announcement the Los Angeles Angels — no doubt mindful of their crosstown rivals paying a boatload for Zach Greinke — have signed free agent OF Josh Hamilton (above, right) to a 5-year, $125 million deal, Rev Halofan of Halo Heaven declared, “aiming at marketing to the Crystal Meth Christians of the Inland Empire, Arte’s billboard machine will be saturating the 909 with a new ferocity.”   How’s that for rolling out the red carpet?

He is old and injury-prone.

He wears his sobriety on his sleeve as a ready-made excuse to stay infantilized.

Using his blue eyes as an excuse for a slump.

Wife holds all his money.

Needs a permanent babysitter.

Remember when he dropped the ball in the most critical game of the season? Jogging toward the dugout and did not even notice he was choking.

If a reserve utility infielder was sober, would the team celebrate with Ginger Ale in his honor?