OK, I’ll admit for a brief time there was a spark between Austin City Council member Jennifer Kim (above) and myself. After a while, however, I determined the handful of things we had in common (our shared dislike for airport security queues, Solgar’s “Raping Dead Nuns” being our favorite song) weren’t sufficient foundation for a relationship (between constituent and elected official).

In spite of this, Jennifer won’t fucking leave me alone. For the past several weeks, she’s had a succession of friends (who sound suspiciously like robots) calling me at all hours, encouraging me to vote for Kim in today’s election. Some of these calls are from numbers with 310 area codes, which I believe is a trick designed to make me think I’m being offered a job to write for Jimmy Kimmel.

The most recent of these calls happened at 9:30 this morning. I don’t know about you, but at that hour on a Saturday I’m usually either asleep or trying to find my wallet & keys before someone else wakes up. Either way, I don’t need another harassing call from one of Jennifer’s “supporters”.

If you’re a registered voter in the City Of Austin, not only would I like to encourage you to vote for anyone other than Ms. Kim — even if you have to write in that annoying crossdresser whose schtick was probably played out long before I got to town — but if you see anyone campaigning for her, please feel free to puke on them. I’d do it myself, but I’ve got to go back to bed.