In which Lt. Dangle and the Sultan Of Surly finally have something in common…a lack of patience for the LA Times’ T.J. Simers.

Jeff Kent (above), who is almost as old as you can be to still play this game, batted .447 during the month of July and had a monster home run in Houston, so I asked him before Tuesday night’s game if he would take a drug test.

He poured out a bottle of water, and then offered to fill it on the spot, but I explained I was concerned about HGH and that would require a blood test.

“How about I fill the bottle and then spit blood in it,” Kent said, and I’ve heard about ‘roid rage, but how would you ever tell with Kent?

Kent is batting .305, and at his age and the way things are going these days in baseball, that raises questions, so I went to Barry Bonds, told him what Kent has been doing recently and asked Bonds if he thought Kent should be drug tested?

Bonds looked at me with a dazed look, and it got me wondering if he has ever been drug tested.

I asked about Kent again and told Bonds, “it’s not that tough of a question,” but he said, “I don’t ever answer questions.”

“That’s not true,” I said. “We talked twice last season and both times you answered questions.” Just think how many fun Q & A sessions we would have if we spent an entire season together.

Bonds said he has kids and he doesn’t like to argue with adults, and while I have no idea what that meant, I told him I had kids too. I thought about asking if he’d like to exchange phone numbers, get all the kids together and maybe arrange a meeting at Chuck E. Cheese, but he seemed a little distracted.

I told Bonds I’d give him a day to think about it and check back before tonight’s game. I got the impression he couldn’t wait.