Montreal’s Kyle McDonald is in a swapping frenzy. Over time, he’s parlayed a red paperclip into an afternoon of quality time with Alice Cooper.

Predictably, Kyle would like to trade his dream date with Alice. I suppose a handjob from John McCain is out of the question.

Alice’s beloved Snakes have just beaten the Padres, 3-2 at the big Monument To Animal Abuse, despite Metal Mike Piazza’s 400th career HR. Also of presumed interest to Cooper, the Phoenix Suns’ Steve Nash has just claimed his 2nd NBA MVP Award. Kobe Bryant advocates can commence flipping out.