Though I remain very impressed with the investigative journalism of City Pages’ Drew Alles aka The Embedded Parrothead, this week’s award for Most Overzealous Reactions To Question Entertainment goes to Reddit user illmurray, who witnessed last night’s WWE event in Vancouver under the influence of “about two grams of psilocybe cubensis mushrooms”. Maybe you already saw this coming, but it was somewhere around midcard that the author “realized I was peaking”. (quotes courtesy Wrestlezone)
El Torito comes out and I begin screaming. I have never been as excited by anything in my life. I cannot put into words the elation I am experiencing watching him run down the rampway. I feel as though millions of years of human evolution and history have led to me being here, watching a small man in a bull costume jump on the ropes and wave at people. I start tearing up again and try to start an El Torito chant, but then 3MB comes out and all the brown kids freak out over Jinder Mahal. He has never, ever been more over than he was tonight.
Fandango comes out. He is wearing a purple satin shirt, which I begin wilding out over, but not as hard as I was wilding for El Torito. Great Khali comes out and again the crowd goes crazy, but I am staring at Fandango as he teases taking off the satin shirt. I am losing my mind. Finally he takes off the shirt and the light hits his abs. I swear to god Fandango’s body is sparkling, glowing. His abs are crystalline. I almost start crying for a third time because his body is so f***ing beautiful. We make eye contact and I become bonded to him in eternity.
There’s not many details about the headlining C.M. Punk / Luke Harper match because, “I am already exhausted because I have marked out so severely and completely over Fandango’s shirt and El Torito.”