While Deadspin helpfully suggests the real problem might be herpes, Rangers OF Josh Hamilton insists his recent vision issues are entirely related to overuse of caffeine.  The Dallas Morning News’ Gerry Fraley likens Hamilton’s ocular keratitis to “Highway Hypnosis” (“Hamilton and long haul truckers have something in common”) and the more I think about that analogy, the more likely we’re gonna come back to STD’s again.

The condition is a drying of the corneas, usually brought on by excessive intake of caffeine and stimulants found in over-the-counter sports drinks. The main symptom is an inability to adjust the field of vision. Hamilton described the sensation as his eyes “being stuck … hard to get off a spot.”

Hamilton markedly increased his use of caffeine after he stopped using smokeless tobacco in midsummer. Hamilton has begun decreasing the caffeine intake and taking eye drops at all times to counter the condition. He had been taking the drops only before day games.

If you’re keeping score, we’ve now been alerted to Hamilton’s struggles with substances including but not limited to heroin, jello shots, whipped cream, champagne,  chewing tobacco, beer and now caffeine. If you’re thinking the track record of recidivism makes Hamilton a bad investment for Texas or another team going forward, I’d argue otherwise.  He’s put up pretty impressive numbers throughout the recent backsliding and just imagine what he’ll do he ever gets a hold of drugs that actually enhance performance?