You can decide for yourself whether a scenario in which Cecil Fielder walks by Prince’s bedroom and overhears “awraahhhhh aaaarggghhhh ya girl. Hoooly shit. I’m gonna wax that ass and then let you wash off that big black Louisville Slugger with that mouth” is actually funny.

Given that father and son are hardly on speaking terms, however, it defies plausiblity.

Still, given that it’s not beyond the realm of possibility the author might someday meet Prince Fielder, there’s a slim slice of entertainment value in imagining Milwaukee’s MVP candidate having an open and frank discussion about whether he — or any person on Planet Earth — actually calls their cock a “big black Louisville Slugger”. Out loud, anyway.