No doubt trying to goad me into some sort of hysterical response, Marc Perlman writes,

Was that your tent I saw outside of Barnes & Noble last night?”

Marc, is of course, citing the following entry from Bill Simmons’ column of last week ;

Since I’m heading to Texas for next week’s NBA All-Star Game, we managed to squeeze in a couple of book signings in Austin and Houston on Wednesday and Thursday. Here’s the info:

Austin, TX: February 15, 7:30 PM
Barnes & Noble (The Arboretum)

I suppose it would take B&N selling Simmons’ book below cost for anyone to mention that such an appearance is a massive fuck you to Austin’s Book People. But no big deal, we’re all about unfettered commercial activity at CSTB, even if it means frequenting bookstores that prominently feature a thousand and one tomes that disparage Al Franken somewhere on the front cover.

In all seriousness, ladies and gentlemen, though I take little interest in Mr. Simmons and his public appearances (having already, y’know, been there and done that) I find his ability to piss off Doc Rivers no more or less laughable than Will Leitch annoying Dennis Rodman’s PR firm. What would the Human Whoopie Cushion have Rivers do, go on “Cold Pizza” defending Peyton Manning’s honor? Incredible as it may seem, the universe does not revolve around one self-obsessed ambulance chaser’s attempts to make a name for himself. It revolves around a somewhat slightly less self-obsessed insomnia cure’s repeated attempts to bring the common denominator lower than ever before. And don’t you forget it.