Jose Canseco is many things to many people. For American (and Atlantic!) League fans, he was a feared slugger and a living, breathing anti-Ermanski instructional as an outfielder. For the rest of us, he’s a litmus test. Pick any or all of the following: hot-pink Lamborghini turned human, pioneer in the field of anabolic steroid advocacy, frankly embarrassing person who might nonetheless have backhandedly done some good for baseball. And now, thanks to SB Nation’s Royals Review, we can add another line to Canseco’s resume: poet. The following koans were cobbled together from Canseco’s Twitter feed by the Boswells at Royals Review; thanks to Ted Berg’s estimable Tedquarters for the link.

need an attorney pro bono
my lanlord evicted me
and would not let me take my chandeleers with me
need your help to get them back

east bound and out is based on my life
i wish the producers would contact me
i’m doing a porn next week
i am hung like a clydesdale
we’ll bring a donkey to it’s knees baby

guys don™t be jealous
cause I am tall dark and handsome
and just turned 46
and have a gorgeous 23 year old girlfriend
not to mention that
i am sleeping in someones garage
but its pretty good

There are more on the other side of that link. So you should click on that link.