(why can’t Red Sox fans learn to have a  sense of perspective…like this guy?)

“I can’t believe I had to hear about this on my Blackberry in the sky!” sneered Deadspin’s Drew Magary, almost directly quoting a Bill Simmons tweet posted shortly after Thursday’s revelations about David Ortiz’ positive test-for-something-or-other in 2003. Magary took a cursory scan of that day’s Boston Globe and was sickened by what he calls “the self-importance of Red Sox fans”.

Once again, we find that Red Sox fans believe they and their team poop sunshine and live on some sort of magical, negro-free cloud in the heavens. Oh sure, they expect a team like the FACKIN’ YANKEES to have roiders. But not the precious Red Sox! They’re different! Special! They’d never violate the bond they have their legendary fans, who have been known to keep entire city grids powered simply with the strength of their hearts!

You listen to me, you fucking retards. You’re just another bunch of asshole fans rooting for another asshole team. And the fact that you think you’re somehow above all that is what makes you utterly insufferable. I hope it turns out the Jason Varitek took HGH in 2004 and once killed a child in a drunken lawnmowing accident.

“Red Sox Nation,” concludes Magary, “is just another group of shitheads wearing pink hats.” Is he wrong? Not entirely, but there’s something slightly curious about Deadspin being the vehicle of choice to mock slavish Red Sox devotees, particularly given Deadspin founder WIll Leitch’s prior declaration that the St. Louis Cardinals “are everything that is right about America” (“the fans support their Cardinals no matter how they™re playing. They are not fickle; just loyal. How long do you think a tortured soul like Rick Ankiel would have survived in New York or Boston?”).

If you’re keeping score, folks, the final result looks something like this ; anonymous persons who allow the Globe to snap their crying-for-Papi photos are (in Magary’s words) “losers”.  Leitch’s fellow apologists who turned blind eyes to the fraudulent McGwire and Ankiel while lavishing praise upon Drinky La Russa? They’re simply America’s Best Baseball Fans!