B.C. 31, Central Michigan 24

Haters will tell you that outside of pro wrestling and porn, there’s nothing more exploitive than college football. That’s crazy talk, of course. There are lots of things more exploitive. High School football, for instance. And in the spirit of balanced competition, I’m countng down the minutes before Texas’ season opener this Saturday against North Texas. The stat-padding should be simply awesome, and even better, since the game starts at 11am, there’s little danger of missing any of the contests that might have a little intrigue that day. Nor will there be any conflict with the Scratch Acid reunion gig at Emo’s (Notre Dame/Georgia Tech can fuck off — David Yow has brought more joy to American families than Charlie Weis, it’s not even close)
Full credit to the Chippewas of CMU for delivering a big time scare to Boston College last night. Even David Ortiz had to change the channel (doctor’s orders). The Eagles’ conference schedule starts a week from Saturday when Clemson visits Dave Smalley Memorial Field.

A request by Adrian Peterson’s dad, convicted money launderer Norman Peterson, to attend OU’s home opener against UAB has been denied. The elder Peterson currently resides in a Oklahoma City halfway house and won’t be free to attend money-spinning Sooners blowouts for another month.

There’s no truth to the rumor Sam Houston State has offered Mr. Peterson tickets and a lift to their first home game of the season against Arkansas-Monticello.