(R. Kelly pissing on a 61 year old, illustration by Derek Erdman.  Jim DeRogatis, unavailable for comment)

Damn.  Derek Erdman and I are each celebrating birthdays next month and his want list is exactly the same as mine, except I wear size 10 1/2 shoes (hint, hint).

What do I get for Derek for his birthday? Well, I sure could use a staple gun (Arrow), AA batteries, Home Depot gift cards, Dick Blick gift cards, Adderall, a Kangol bucket hat (LL Cool J Style, large size), a thin long scarf (used), Size 9 black & white checkered slip-on Vans (new), drawings, homemade cards, Google Android G1 Phone, Uniball Vision Fine Tip Pens (Black Ink), Aristocrat By Leigh Potters dinnerware (red & white stripes), haiku, cookies, candy, Red Bull, old yearbooks, old photos, blank DVDs. SEND TO: 2068 N. Leavitt Chicago, IL 60647.

Derek’s birthday is 19 days before mine, so he’s got seniority. If you can only find one Kangol bucket hat in the LL Cool J style, I think it’s his.