Major League Baseball issued guidelines to Oakland A’s ownership earlier today for a possible move to San Jose, CA. Putting the San Francisco Giants’ territorial rights aside for a moment, it remains to be seen if San Jose will welcome the franchise with open arms after Decibel Magazine dubbed the A’s, “The Most Metal Team In Baseball”.
The above image was circulated this morning by MLB.com, and I am sure I’m not the only person who finds it as disturbing as it confusing. Given the allusions to the occult, church-burning and drop-d tuning (especially drop-d tuning) it is imperative that Billy Beane — a close personal friend of that great patriot, the late Johnny Ramone — make some sort of public statement about exactly what the A’s believe, when they started believing in, and how much can we expect them to believe in it during the dog days of August.
On the bright side, Bartolo Colon (3rd from left) appears to be in the best shape of his career.
He’ll make a commercial where he stares creepily into the camera and says, “I’m not a ‘heavy metal’… I’m… you.”