The Most Handsome Man In The History Of Everything, Iain Dowie (above) takes strong exception to England manager Sven-Goran Eriksson’s choice of strikers. From the Guadian’s Fiver and Paul Doyle :

He’s been lampooned for his choice of lover. Savaged over his decision to accept (as opposed to reject, presumably) a £5m-a-year salary. And mauled for maintaining a good old-fashioned English stiff upper lip in the face of adversity (foreigners, eh?). But even Sven-Goran Eriksson can never before have received a more ridiculous rebuke than the one aimed at him today by Crystal Palace maestro Iain Dowie.

“We talk about Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen, quite rightly, and then no one ever seems to mention Andrew Johnson (above),” fumed Dowie after learning that even if England revert to 4-4-2 against Northern Ireland Nil, the bald Eagle has, like the Fiver’s clapped-out Ford Capri, virtually no chance of starting.

“If you show me someone who scored two better goals than he did last week [against Stoke, in the Championship] then I’m a monkey’s uncle,” continued the ape’s descendent. “He was the top English scorer in the Premiership last year.” Yes, following in the famous footsteps of international striking legends Marcus Stewart and Kevin Phillips.