“If you [mess] with Nails,” former Mets/Phillies outfielder  Lenny Dykstra tells the LA TImes’ Alejandro Lazo, “you get the hammer.” By “hammer”, Lenny might mean a series of bad checks, but on in the same period in which Jose Canseco has taken to Twitter to proclaim his homelessness, the self-styled financial analyst insists he’s about to experience a revival.

Dykstra currently lives in a two-bedroom bachelor pad in the Westwood high-rise, where, according to court documents, he has missed several months of rent. He is also fighting eviction attempts by Wells Fargo, which foreclosed on the property’s owners.

The apartment is filled with remnants of his flush days, including flat-screen televisions, sports memorabilia and ornate office furniture. Photographs of his three sons ” his middle son, Cutter, is a minor league baseball player ” are scattered throughout the place. His desk displays a framed photo of Dykstra with President George H.W. Bush smiling on a sunny golf course.

When not in court, the retired center fielder spends most of his time in his living room staring at two flat-screen computer monitors, firing off e-mails to people involved in his case, plotting a financial comeback and chugging Red Bull energy drinks.

Dykstra said he moved into the apartment last winter after living for months in various odd spots including an airplane hangar and his car after the mansion was placed under control of the court. His attempt to retake the Thousand Oaks property this summer was short-lived, and the court has barred him from returning there.

“I was a wanderer, dude. I was like Gandhi,” Dykstra said. “He lived out of a bag.”

Despite a very public collapse, Dykstra appears to have no shortage of associates and hirelings willing to work for him these days. He has several projects planned, including the reintroduction of his Players Club magazine.

“I have been fighting my whole life,” Dykstra said. “That’s why I have a new theme song, dude, and I am going to play it for you.”

“I want to be a billionaire, so ¦ bad, buy all of the things I never had,” he sang along, loudly and off-key, to the Travie McCoy song “Billionaire,” as it blared from his Bose computer speakers. “I want to be on the cover of Forbes magazine, smiling next to Oprah and the queen.”