(FROM THE EDITOR : From time to time, respected Bronx baseball executive Randy L. visits CSTB to weigh in on the major sporting matters of the day. Upon learning New York Mets 3B David Wright’s injury rehab has suffered a serious setback, Randy requested, no, he insisted on having his say – GC)
Like so many of you, I heard the disturbing news about David Wright today and my first thoughts were with this fine young man and his family. Sure, he’s got all the personality of a slightly less douchey Gregg Jefferies, and now, it seems he might have the career to match. Still, David Wright might not be my intellectual equal, but really, who is? Can you imagine my embarrassment in seeing Brian Cashman and Hank Steinbrenner high-fiving each other after the former learned about the Wright story on his iPad (of course, when I asked to look at the screen, this is what he’d been paying rapt attention to). Not for the first time, I have to do all the creative thinking around here.
On numerous occasions I’ve used these pages to reach out to Fred Wilpon and Saul Katz to let them know that despite the crosstown rivalry between our franchises, I have only warm feelings for the Mets owners, not unlike the feeling you’d get if Shane Spencer was urinating on your leg. Though I have repeatedly made trade offers that would’ve dramatically bettered the Mets — history shows that I am as magnanimous as I am handsome — these proposals have gone unanswered. Now, faced with the loss of their only offensive threat (save for the threats Wally Backman makes every time he’s passed over for a big league job), I am again dangling sure-thing-Hall Of Famer and future All-Time HR King Alex Rodriguez for the mere price of Matt Harvey and Noah Syndergaard.
I know what you’re saying. “Randy, that’s totally nuts, Matt Harvey’s going down the toilet and he’s got a triple chin. You can’t trade a marketing juggernaut like A-Rod for a self-styled playboy with a triple chin.” Such talk doesn’t scare me one bit. We’ll figure out a way to get the slovenly, unshaven Harvey into Yankee Universe Shape if I personally have to show up with the medicine ball and supervise his training myself.
As for the thoroughly unproven Syndergaard, I realize Yankee fans are concerned that a guy who looks like he’s auditioning for Candlebox is a rather poor fit for the World’s Most Successful Professional Sports Franchise (HEY KID, WHO’S YOUR STYLE GURU, JACOB DEGROM?), but please keep in mind it’s difficult to get a decent haircut on a rookie per diem. Even in Queens. I hear the Mets had their own in-house barber, but apparently he objected at having to be the club’s general manager for the same salary.
All kidding aside, the important thing is that I’m committed to improving both teams (provided the Mets pay all of A-Rod, Harvey and Syndergaard’s remaining salaries), but if push comes to shove, I’ll settle for simply improving the Mets. It’s not like anyone else is going to.
alright. I’m Audi (Club) 5000.