(Editor’s Note : From time to time, CSTB is graced with the observations and editorial commentary of noted baseball executive Randy L. of the Bronx. Upon learning of Alex Rodriguez’ abrupt exit from an MLB grievance hearing Wednesday, followed by a surprise visit to WFAN, Randy offered, no, he insisted, on penning the following column – GC)
Greetings, Yankee Universe and those who hope to someday enter its solar system. Though I’ve been entertained this off-season by reports of Robinson Cano’s hopes of becoming baseball’s first $300 million player (and I’m gonna become Richard Gere!), I’ve certainly been focused on more serious, if not highly distasteful developments. I’m able to monitor the major news networks from deep inside The New Stadium’s Command Center, and was deeply troubled to hear accounts of a hysterical person, possibly under the influence of something highly illegal, interrupting otherwise civil proceedings with the sort of crazed outburst that has no place in polite society. Though widely popular at one time or another, this delusional individual succeeded in making a gross spectacle of himself at the exact moment anyone else in his position would’ve been well advised to at least maintain the pretense of contrition.
But enough about the Mayor of Toronto. I also had the misfortune of hearing Alex Rodriguez’ conversation with WFAN’s Mike Francesa earlier today, and I cannot hold my tongue. I do understand that Francesa is often the subject of mockery at this sub-Geocities website, but that’s not the only reason I feel a genuine kinship with this highly decorated radio host. He and I are both at the top of our respective fields, we each have plenty of experience carrying our intellectual inferiors (in my case, Hal and Hank Steinbrenner, in his, Chris Russo), and neither of us suffer fools gladly. We’re both KILLING IT on Twitter (and so what if Mike has a few more followers than me?) With all that binds us, I feel very comfortable offering the sort of constructive criticism no one else has the guts to provide.
Still, I’m loathe to point fingers at Mike’s production staff. For starters, the chat with A-Rod was obviously arranged hastily. And keeping in mind Francesa’s crew have to share a cramped workspace with Joe Benigno, it’s a fair bet that some or all of them are suffering from some form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Even so, I think the interview with Rodriguez would’ve been far more enlightening had the following questions been posed :
1) Are you on PED’s right this moment?
2) Do you get your purple lip-gloss from Ricky’s, or do you have it flown in from Miami?
3) If Madonna and Chyna were fighting atop the Empire State Building, who do you think would win?
4) Did question number 3 give you a boner? If the answer is “no”, please refer back to question number one.
5) Seeing as you’re such a big college football fan, have you made plans yet for the 2013 New Era Pinstripe Bowl?
Benjy Bronk ain’t got nuthin’ on me.