Leeds’ 15 point deduction for a variety of financial woes has been upheld by the Football League. And while the League One openers are more than a week away, the Fiver’s Barry Glendenning is already in mid-season form.

Having lived up to his promise to march the Yorkshire club out of the Championship at the first time of asking, Nasty Leeds’s nasty manager Dennis Wise (above, left) will now be able to make it two relegations on the bounce, having got a 15-point jump on his rivals for the drop without a ball or shin being kicked in anger.

To be fair, the Fiver had assumed that the Football League would show some compassion to Nasty Leeds at their appeal, as anyone with a heart would have to agree their fans have suffered enough, eh? Oh. But any chance of the club being granted some clemency evaporated when it emerged that its only hope of mercy rested on an impassioned plea delivered by chairman Kuddly Ken Bates (above, right), a man who’s more unpopular among right-thinking football folk than a Pedigree Chum-smeared cat at Crufts.

Of the 75% of Football League clubs that initially agreed Nasty Leeds deserved to be punished for whatever it is they did, it came as no surprise that every single one of them completely ignored Ken’s pathetic appeal for mercy. Indeed, the only real shock was that the other 25% didn’t change their minds upon bearing witness to the pathetic display of craven hand-wringing from this shameless charlatan.

“[Nasty] Leeds presented their appeal and why they thought the board was wrong,” chortled Football League chairman Lord Mawhinney. “We then had a vote which overwhelmingly endorsed the decision that there should be a sanction. In a second vote the League overwhelmingly endorsed the sanction. [Nasty] Leeds are starting the new season in League One as a valued member of the League’s football family but with a penalty of 15 points.”

From Big Cup semi-finalists in 2001 to third-tier basement-dwellers in 2007 – it really is grim up north. How much more gas can there be left in this explosion? Astonishingly and to their … eh, credit, well over 10,000 Nasty Leeds fans have stumped up for season tickets to find out.