(EDITOR’S NOTE : The conditions / design / aesthetics of the Mets’ newly opened Citi Field have been hotly debated both on NYC sports radio and throughout the blogosphere , but one major voice on the sporting landscape has been silent…until now.  Ladies and Gentlemen, making his thoughts on all things Citi known,  musician/humorist/restauranteur Jeffrey Jensen. )

1) All the attractions and shopping mall vibe will take away from the collective enthusiasm of the fans in the stands cuz a lot of people will just be walking around rather than sitting in their seats. It will also make the place look way emptier than it is.

2) The field looks better on the scoreboard TV than in person—which somehow sums up the entire place. Citi field was designed on computer monitors and accidentally designed to be seen on computer monitors. I realize this is pretentious art-school babble BUT it’s true.

3) Great views of Flushing and the surrounding areas from the stadium- it faces west so you can see beautiful sunsets. Plus all around the stadium you get to see the chop shops and the train yards and the bay. You would think the Mets would try to visually temper these sights but surprisingly not.

4) The airplanes fly DIRECTLY over the stadium now. Very trippy and a little scary (in a post 9/11 kinda way)

5) The seats themselves are very cheap and made of a lightweight matte plastic that leave nasty dusty footprints when people stand on them. They and the even cheaper plastic cup holders seem like they could be destroyed with one™s boot. Which I’m sure they will very soon.

6) The smoker™s gulag- the Mets force smokers to walk down a never-ending series of ramps to get to a cramped dungeon to smoke with all the other shamed undesirables. No amenities (TV monitor, concessions etc¦) to be found. Smoking will be outlawed within the next 50 years

7) Not only does security allow you to stand behind the field level seats without trying to herd you along—now you can easily sneak down to empty field-level seats with almost no restrictions. This was probably the biggest shocker. This is great. Remember the plebes couldn™t even get down to field level at Shea.

xviii) The toppings bars and œNacho stations (they’re everywhere) are really gross and will age very very badly. I like the beer stations (2 tall boys $15 plus Heinekens and Brooklyn lager).  The food court/trough with the shake shack and tacqueria is truly a nice touch. Long lines at shake shack though no lines at the Mexican place. The tacos (they have carnitas and chicken etc¦) looked really good and they have alote corn with molido. It™s done well and is as authentic as what I’m doing. So in a selfish way this might potentially help my business considering it will introduce mooky Mets fans to the same type of food I sell¦wait there are no mooky Mets fans anywhere near Bedford ave¦. come to think of it there™s barely any mooky Mets fans at Citi field.

9) They play commercials for shitty movies and corporate crap ON THE SCOREBOARDS BETWEEN INNINGS. Taking it too far. Though these shitty ads did inspire a hilarious conversation between the 40-something  trekkies sitting to my left. And the resolution on the scoreboard is fucking futuristic Big-Brother scary.

10) The whole place is more corporate than suburban Orlando. They even play commercials for corporations (Just for men hair products etc¦) when shopping at the corporation team stores. (there’s a women’s “boutique” called Touch) Really offensive. It’s cool that they play the actual SNY broadcasts on monitors (with audible audio) everywhere.

11)The Jackie Robinson rotunda is not breathtaking. Nor does it give one pause or inspire fucking anything. Contrived bullshit.

12) The personalized bricks out front are a nice touch. (especially Joe Benigno’s “oh the pain” brick) Why I did not get one will bother me forever.

(And like everyone else says¦yeah some actual token Mets-shit thrown up in this piece would be nice too_