(culled from Midnight‘s Facebook page…with apologies to Jon Landau for the above headline)

Dear Mr. Wintermote,

my sports blog would like to commission you to review the Lollipop Records showcase at the Whip-In next Thursday. Though I cannot pay you for this assignment, others who’ve written for this website in the past have parlayed this valuable exposure into lucrative positions with some of the internet’s most exciting new publishers. Based on the writing sample above, I am confident you have the analytical chops to follow in the footsteps of these other freelancers. I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Gerard Cosloy
Cumbucket Media