“No Found Memories Of The Grog Shop To Speak Of” was the alternate headline for Larry Stone’s item in today’s Seattle Times, as supplied by Tim Cook who adds, “Ichiro The Quotable rises again, revealing an uncommon insight into his own disciplinary techniques to maintain honesty in the middle of a road trip.”

The Mariners were clearly not thrilled with the detour before opening a three-game series against the Chicago Cubs on Tuesday.

“To tell the truth, I’m not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to,” Ichiro said through an interpreter. “If I ever saw myself saying I’m excited going to Cleveland, I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying.”