Shortly after Aston Villa were clobbered, 6-0 by Liverpool Sunday, the former’s defender Joleon Lescott inexplicably tweeted a photograph of a £125,000 Mercedes sedan. As The Fiver’s Nick Ames explains, “the best jokes – “Does it go 0-6 in 90 minutes?” – have been snaffled up already.”

Ignoring for now the depressing mass credulousness that allows Lescott to be homing in on a million apostles, accidents can of course happen to anyone and, fortunately, the centre-back was rather more savvy when it came to polishing up an explanation that we can assume was entirely unprompted.

“I’m not one for tweeting after games whether it’s good, bad or indifferent,” began Lescott, using a couple of unnecessary adjectives there, before apologising for “mine and the team’s lack of commitment”. He closed: “I would like to add that the tweet sent out from my account was totally accidental, it happened whilst driving and my phone was in my pocket.”