(Peyton points out the guy chanting “Cut That Meat” to security, makes plans to sit on his face after the game)

The Indianapolis Star’s Bob Kravitz argues that if Colts fans want their club to win a Super Bowl, they’ll be rooting for the New England Patriots to beat Jacksonville tonight.

I will be furtively cheering for the Patriots, though, because as a columnist and general sports romantic, I root for the best story. And the best story, the only story, is one that ends with the Patriots in the RCA Dome, finally getting drop-kicked out of the playoffs by the Indianapolis Colts.

Because I firmly believe if the Patriots win tonight and the Steelers win Sunday, the Pats will go up to mile-high Denver, suffer from severe oxygen deprivation and lose to the Broncos before a Colts-Pats showdown can become possible.

And I don’t want that to happen.

I told you: It’s about rooting for the story. And the only way for the story to turn now is to bring the Patriots to Indy, and make the Colts go through the Pats on the way to the Super Bowl.

The way the Chicago Bulls had to go through the Bad Boy Pistons.

The way the Boston Red Sox had to break down the door against the New York Yankees.

The way the Indiana Pacers had to exorcise years of heartbreak, and Larry Johnson four-point plays, and beat the New York Knicks on the way to the NBA Finals.

Want to be a champion? Beat the champion.

If you’re a Colts fan, and I’m assuming you are, you want the Patriots. You need the Patriots. You long for the chance to stop the Great New England Dynasty.

The Colts are not suddenly vulnerable. They are not going to lose momentum because of a bye month. And opponents have not discovered some super-elusive, heretofore-undiscovered defensive template for stopping the Colts.

Remember, the Colts have the bye. The Colts have home-field advantage. The Colts have the artificially enhanced RCA Dome sound system.

Of course, my sudden transformation into a Patriots fan comes with a steep price. For one thing, my IQ just went down by roughly 75 points.