(what, you were expecting he’d be pen pals with Eerie Von?)

Full credit this Sunday morning to the Newark Star-Ledger’s Andy McCullough, who has accomplished the near-impossible ; in discussing Jason Bay’s musical preferences, gig-going history (beating the traffic before the end of a Metallica show, attending a 1996 Rage Against The Machine performance described as, “I couldn’t have picked a more raucous concert to go to,”) and virtual friendship with Eddie Vedder, the Mets’ underachieving left-fielder comes off as uncooler than he did previously. Which is saying something. Unless and until Mike Piazza starts blogging about who he’d save if Dream Theatre and King’s X were both drowning at the same time, it will take some doing to top the following cringe-worthy exchange.

1. So how did you get to know Vedder?
Sean Casey, who’s a diehard Pearl Jam fan, he’s hung out with Eddie numerous times. When I got traded to Boston, we played a game and that night Eddie was playing somewhere in Boston on his solo tour. And he signed this poster, “Hey, Jason, welcome to the Red Sox.” And then Casey gave me his number. So we text back and forth.

2. Were you nervous when you first met?
I’ve never met him. I’ve never actually technically met him. And that’s the funny part. Casey was like, “Hey, here’s his number, he said text him.” So he was like “Hey, sounds good man. If I’m ever up in Seattle recording . . .” He’s never up there.
He’s got a lot going on. I’m probably the last person [on his mind]. “Oh, I’ve got to call Jason Bay!”

3. So you’re e-migos?
Absolutely. Our avatars hang out.

4. So what do you text about?
Randomly, I saw he got married. “Hey, congrats.” “Hey, thanks, man. Heard you had a baby.” Stuff like that. “Hey, you’re album’s coming out tomorrow. I need new walkup music. Anything good?” And he was like, ‘Not going to help you there, bud. It’s all ukulele.”