I’d love to find a way to blame the NBA All-Star Game and its culture of hip-hop music, bling and violence for Steelers kicker Jeff Reed’s criminal mischief citation Sunday morning in Pittsburgh. But I can’t find a way to do it, which is probably why Jason Whitlock is who he is, and I’m who I am.
Steelers kicker Jeff Reed was cited with criminal mischief and disorderly conduct after throwing a tantrum over an empty paper towel machine at a Westmoreland County convenience store, state police said.
Reed, 29, went into the men’s rest room at Sheetz on U.S. Route 22 in New Alexandria shortly before 3 a.m. Saturday.
After discovering the paper towel dispenser in the bathroom was empty, Reed started banging on something from inside the bathroom, state police said. He damaged the towel dispenser.
When Reed left the bathroom, he spoke to a Sheetz employee using loud and profane language, according to police. He continued to use profane language outside the store, police said.
By no means would I say that my Valentine’s Day was perfect or anything, but I am glad that it didn’t end at 3am, with me jamming my bleached-blond head against a paper-towel dispenser in the bathroom of an establishment that serves something called “shmuffinz.” It sort of puts things in perspective.
I’m just guessing here, but the wire service writer who got to describe this in the lede as “throwing a tantrum” probably really enjoyed that opportunity.