When steroids are in the news, Jose Canseco has generally been right there behind them, trying to also get in the news. If his stint on VH1 had worked out better (or if his film career alongside brother Ozzie hadn’t topped out with this classic), maybe he wouldn’t need to do this. But he needs to do this. And now he feels the need to do this particular thing, in particular, according to an AP report:

Jose Canseco plans to file a class-action lawsuit against Major League Baseball and the players™ association, saying he™s been ostracized for going public with tales of steroids use in the sport. Canseco said Wednesday that he has discussed the suit with lawyers and intends to enlist Sammy Sosa and Rafael Palmeiro to join in the suit.

Canseco said the basis of the suit would be œlost wages ” in some cases, defamation of character.

Which, obviously, that is not going to happen, Jose Canseco. You are not going to file that lawsuit. But the AP is still taking your calls, which is good. At NBC Sports, Craig Calcaterra explains, in depth and with more than trace amounts of tartness, why Canseco isn’t suing shit:

With a few minor exceptions, this is a fabulous idea! The exceptions being that (a) Canseco was done as a player after the 2001 season and came out with his book in 2005, meaning that he couldn’t have been kicked out of baseball for writing it; (b) Canseco could not have been “defamed” over steroids when he, you know, has admitted to everyone in the planet — often with glee — that he did, in fact, do lots and lots of steroids; (c) There is no such thing as a “class action lawsuit” that involves Canseco plus whatever small number of players could cobble together, and even if there was, members of a class action lawsuit have to have common claims; and (d) neither he nor anyone else has a legal right to be inducted into the Hall of Fame or to be given a job in baseball after retirement.

Because I don’t want to reprint Calcaterra’s entire (brief) post, I’ll leave it to you to click through and find out how he works mesh shirts into the conclusion.