While we eagerly await a reformed Stickmen With Ray Guns’ rendition of “Christian Bat Attack”, Jose Offerman has proven — like O.J. Simpson and Claus Von Bulow before him, there’s one justice for celebrities and another for….uh….people who aren’t celebrities. From the Connecticut Post’s Daniel Tepfer (link courtesy Hot Foot and Nate Dog) :

Former Red Sox All-Star Jose Offerman was granted a special form of probation this morning for attacking two Bridgeport Bluefish players with a bat during an August game.”I’m real sorry for what happened and I would like to apologize to all the fans that were at the stadium that day, especially the children,” a somber Offerman said as he left the Golden Hill Street courthouse with his lawyer, Frank Riccio Jr.

“I’m real sorry for all this,” he added.

Superior Court Judge James Ginocchio granted Offerman, an infielder with the Long Island Ducks at the time of the incident, accelerated rehabilitation on two counts of second-degree assault.

Although Offerman was suspended indefinitely from the Atlantic League after the incident, Riccio told the judge that league Executive Director Joe Klein has offered to allow Offerman to return.

“I’m real sorry for what happened,” Offerman told the judge. “I embarrassed the game I love and I wish I could take it all back.”

Assistant State’s Attorney Brian Kennedy objected to Offerman being granted accelerated rehabilitation, saying the crime was too serious.

“Mr. Nathans’ season ended with that game and he is still suffering from his injury, a significant injury,” he said.