By now you’ve probably heard the tale of young Reed Frazier (above, image taken from The 700 Level), a St. John’s University camera operator who was ordered to remove his Phillies jacket during last Sunday’s St. John’s/Georgetown game at Citi Field. With Mr. Frazier’s civil rights firmly in mind, attorney Terrence R. Hammersmith via the auspices of Jockish, takes exception to the actions of Wilpon Inc., protesting “this is about the Mets, and their spineless lackeys, forcing an upstanding young man to choose between the envious ideals of his homeland and the short-sighted will of his corporate overlords. And to offer a St. John™s jacket in exchange for removing the offensive apparrel.”
I can™t help but think that the color of Mr. Frazier™s skin played a not-unimportant role in this cat-and-mouse game. Because Mr. Frazier happens to be Caucasian, the powers-that-be at this game felt it was OK to enforce their will upon the hapless co-ed ” after all, they were undoubtedly thinking, he™s white, so who cares. But were he of a darker complexion, there is no way they would dare undertake such a gambit, for fear of incurring the wrath of Jesse Jackson or Oprah or Deepak Chopra or some other œalternate lifestyle standard bearer. Once upon a time, a feared political entity used these same sorts of logistical mindgames and double-standards to oppress a people for their religious beliefs, and nearly laid waste to modern civilization as we know it. And even though the machinations of the Branch Davidians were ended by the courageous actions of our own Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, this incident proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that their influence still looms large over the American landscape.
Mr. Frazier, with me as your legal counsel, I can guarantee beyond a shadow of a doubt that I and my associates will try as much as we can to take every person and organization involved in this matter to the cleaners for a good white-washing. Your supervisor, your co-workers, the fans in the stands and around the park that commented on your jacket, the entire staff at Citi Field, The New York Mets, St. John™s University, Georgetown University, Major League Baseball, the NCAA, even former employees of all these supposedly austere institutions ” this could be huge, both for your wallet and the United States of America. We could even take this to the Supreme Court, if we get lucky enough or throw out of other courts! Think about this, think about your patriotic duty, and please contact our offices to learn more about our affordable installment payment plan & check garnishment options. Together, we can make this world a better place, both for lawyers and the people they lawyer.
You know what phrase never gets old, even if you mistakenly use it twice within two sentences? “Beyond a shadow of a doubt.” Editors are TOTALLY overrated, I’m telling you.
Am i the only one when i see that picture i think of Cartman at the Special Olympics?