TO :  Charles “Chuck” Klosterman
New York Times Magazine
620 8th Ave
New York, NY 10018

Dear Chuck,

Recently, my record label successfully licensed a new song from Sweet Talk’s hit ‘Flash Of Light’ EP to a Russian advertising agency for a shampoo commercial. I know,  a shampoo commercial!  I watch “The Americans” every week, it seemed preposterous.  Anyway, despite serious tensions between our countries, the Russians have paid up and I’m meant to forward the money to the band.

The problem is, tomorrow is Record Store Day (you might have heard of it — it’s this thing where people who appreciate post-Ratt music go to stores and buy records they’re never gonna open) and if I haul ass down the street to End Of An Ear with my sleeping bag and stuffed GG doll, I’ve got a good chance at being one of the first in line when they open tomorrow AM.  If I use that shampoo commercial dough on snapping up the Die Kreuzen “Cows & Beer” reissue and all of the Christoph Death Waltz titles, I could flip ’em and DOUBLE SWEET TALK’S MONEY.   I mean, you might even say if I have the band’s best interests at heart, it would be unethical not to!

Anyhow, please advise, because if I’m gonna do this, I really need to get out of the house before the sun comes up.

your friend in ethics,