. . . I’d replace John Chaney with John Calipari.
. . . Phil Martelli’s St. Joseph’s players would have complete freedom to rough up Bill Cosby.
. . . Isiah Thomas would be forbidden to mention how many fewer “bad contracts” the Knicks now have without counting his own as one they’re still stuck with.
. . . I’d make sure Kobe Bryant doesn’t buy his way into the playoffs like he bought his way out of a civil trial.
. . . I’d eradicate Charles Barkley’s un-amusing infantile analysis from the airwaves.
. . Chris Webber would get due props for playing on one leg and refusing to allow the Pope to show him up. His reasoning: “If John Paul can pray hurt, I can play hurt.
Charles Schumer, unavailable for comment.