This reporter has been shamefully remiss in keeping CSTB readers, furry phanatics and other mascot aficionados abreast of the latest haps in costumed cheerleading culture, but now that I’ve been fired from my latest job I should have a little more time to enjoy current cultural events.

In breaking news: patent sleuths uncover some mysterious mascot mysteries linking George Steinbrenner to the trade. Though it’d be satisfying to see this guy degrading himself in the Bronx, it’s safe to assume the costume is just some pet project for a birthday party, ice cream social, or Girl Talk concert.

And it’s a slippery and dramatic slope downhill from a past riddled with mascot abuse: former UND defenseman and current Caps property Joe Finley was arrested last week for throwing plates and cups in Grand Forks, ND. Oh, and a friggin lawnmower.

And in bad news in Sussexes all around the world, cricket fans in Sussex, UK are rallying support over a fancy dress ban that apparently discriminates against “harmless” sharks. Sussex, New Jersey might follow suit after the recent scandal involving Scooter, the Sussex Skyhawks mascot, and consider extending their policies to ban child pornography?