…but to paraphrase Patrick Ewing, he probably spends a lot of money, too. (Link courtesy Jon Solomon, who copped it from Hostile City Sports). From the Philadelphia Daily News’ Kevin Mulligan.

Beware, 76ers fans. This could make you feel sick to your stomachs, or make you want to fire a GM, whichever comes first. It’s proof of the insanity of hideous, guaranteed NBA contracts.

Ex-76er Matt Geiger is living extra large in Tampa, Fla., off the Sixers’ 6-year, $51 million they agreed to pay him in 1998. This, as detailed by the St. Petersburg Times, is what the Sixers’ millions have bought for Geiger:

“A new, $13.5 million, 28,500-square-foot mansion built for the oversized 7-footer, complete with 8-foot doorways; 40 TVs all hooked up to satellite; 18 TV sets wired with Xbox; a 330,000-gallon pool out back with a cooking area designed by -Outback; a winding water slide down a faux tropical island mountain; and a 5,200-square-foot guest house.”

There’s also a 9,000-square-foot downstairs entertainment level complete with bar, cigar bar, poker room, movie theater, a wall filled with big-screen TVs, a 3,000-gallon shark tank and a home gym.

Outside, there’s a personal putting green and a manmade lake stocked with 2,500 largemouth bass. And, of course, every mansion needs animals. Geiger has 12 buffalo, 11 Watusi cattle, two donkeys, pet iguanas that live in his master mega-bathroom; a miniature horse and one cow on the 40-acre property.

Sorry, there’s no more room to tell you about his bathrooms. You wouldn’t believe it.

I hear Jon Koncak’s crib is pretty nice, too. Parents, send your kids to Tall School. Failing that, Geiger’s house sounds like exactly the kind of place it would be appropriate to send children who are dying of incurable illnesses. They’ll rediscover their will to live on Matt’s putting green, frolic with his donkeys, etc. And none of that Neverland-style bad-touching, either.