The New York Times’ Jack Bell reports that perennial MLS underachievers the New York/New Jersey Metro Stars have named former U.S. national / Padova defender Alexi Lalas as the club’s new president and general manager.

Lalas (above), whose career has had its ups and down since having his acoustic guitar smashed to bits in a (John) Belushian rage by Keith Olberman, is still the only American to have played in Serie A.