NY Post sports media columnist / conscience Phil Mushnick has long been our last line of defense when it comes all sorts (OK, mostly hip-hop) of popular culture invading the sporting sphere and wrecking society what with all the n-bombs and h-bombs and a-bombs and crotch-dusting. And the hip-hop!

Sadly for Phil, this evening’s Super Bowl LI halftime extravaganza doesn’t afford him an opportunity to scold the NFL for allowing Beyoncé to hate the police or to complain that Bruno Mars has never been to Mars (or been a member of Mars). Instead, Mr. Mushnick is reduced to speculating what NC-17 horrors Tony Bennett collaborator Lady Gaga might inflict upon the grand stage that is America’s football showpiece :

What we do know is Lady Gaga isn’t shy. And her outrageous side, as much as her considerable talent as a singer, is why she is famous and why she was engaged. So, like stubbing our toe, we’re conditioned to anticipate pain before we know if it even hurts.

Super Bowls that once featured entertainment by the reliably clean and talented have been replaced by “edgy,” let’s-risk-it talent. Up With People replaced by Down With Pants. That’s the bag we’re in.

Keep in mind, please, the columnist’s offspring must be pushing 30 at this point and he’s still worried MTV’s going to turn them into gang bangers or bang gangers or Bango Tango or Tago Mago or something. But full credit where due, “Up With People replaced by Down With Pants” is almost Norman Chad-esque.