(left to right : whatshername, Satan)

No, really. THE Jeff MacGregor. The divorce between Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren was declared official earlier today, and while financial arrangements weren’t made available to the media, ESPN.com’s MacGregor declares Monday “the day on which the zombie sporting press can stop pretending to care about Tiger’s wife and kids (what were their names again?) and get back to worrying about his hand action and club selection.”  Of course, MacGregor’s no mere zombie.  He’s a moralistic zombie.

I’d like to wish him well. I would. But I cannot. He’s been given everything, been touched by every celestial gift, and in return has found a way to corrupt everything he’s ever touched. In the months and years ahead, when he shovels money at his children and calls it love, I won’t be there to transcribe the lie.

With me or without me he’ll get at last, as must we all, whatever he deserves.

Because at the end of things — with records broken or records unbroken, with families broken and families unrestored — who that he might care about will be left to care about him?

Who that he might care about will be left to care about anything he’s ever done?

And who, pray tell, gives a flying fuck about Jeff MacGregor’s opinion of Tiger Woods, The Person or Parent? MacGregor’s own biography claims “he has done many things, most of which he chooses to keep to himself”, and presumably, not bearing the burden of being one of the 4 or 5 most famous persons on planet earth, there’s relatively few people concerned about the journalist/author’s sex life or whether or not he’s a man of integrity.  It’s a massive stretch to say Woods has ruined his children’s lives or that his infidelity — something hardly uncommon within the hallways of ESPN — is on the level of some sort of war crime.