Early last month, the bureau’s Washington Field Office began recruiting for a new anti-obscenity squad. Attached to the job posting was a July 29 Electronic Communication from FBI headquarters to all 56 field offices, describing the initiative as “one of the top priorities” of Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales and, by extension, of “the Director.” That would be FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III.
Mischievous commentary began propagating around the water coolers at 601 Fourth St. NW and its satellites, where the FBI’s second-largest field office concentrates on national security, high-technology crimes and public corruption.
The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against “manufacturers and purveyors” of pornography — not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults.
“I guess this means we’ve won the war on terror,” said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. “We must not need any more resources for espionage.”
Among friends and trusted colleagues, an experienced national security analyst said, “it’s a running joke for us.”
A few of the printable samples:
“Things I Don’t Want On My Resume, Volume Four.”
“I already gave at home.”
“Honestly, most of the guys would have to recuse themselves.”
Though this does seem like a terrible waste of our taxes, there is one individual I can think of who is infinitely qualified for such a position. However, though currently unemployed, he might not take kindly to all aspects of the assignment.