(Chris Simms Augusto Arturo Bernstein, moments before being sent back to Mansfield Municipal Airport)

Following Tom Brady’s torn ACL yesterday, ESPN’s Chris Mortensen reported last night the Patriots were bringing in Chris Simms and Tim Rattay for Monday workouts.  However, during this evening’s doomy-gloomy analysis of New England’s ’08 prospects, Sir Mort explained that while Simms and Rattay were ushered to Scott Pioli’s officer earlier today, both were told, well, to fuck off, as the Pats had “other plans”.

Sir Mort hints that perhaps Randy Moss has put in a good word for the recently retired Daunte Culpepper.  That said, there’s another available QB with considerable experience working alongside the Hooded Casanova. And who better to have in the locker room now that Everclear are back on the road?