The next time a Federal grand jury asks anyone in baseball to testify, they might as well put the whole thing on Court TV and save a ton of hassle.

In the meantime, Bobby Estella’s dozens of fans around the world are having a hard time coming to grips with this morning’s news.

Has anyone stopped to consider the terrifying trickle-down effect of Mendoza-line huggers, minor leaguers, college ball players, little leaguers, etc., all ingesting female fertility drugs? Fuck the sanctity of baseball’s record books, why aren’t we worried about a population explosion?

(Greg Anderson warning Barry that if he can’t do 20 more reps, he’ll have to settle for triplets)

Still, it is some small comfort to know that the Sultan Of Sulry can turn on the charm when being quizzed by Federal prosecutors just as easily as he can with MLB’s beat writers.

Bonds told the grand jurors that he had given Anderson a $20,000 bonus and bought him a ring after the 73-home run season. He also bought the trainer a ring to commemorate the Giants’ 2002 World Series appearance. When a juror asked why the wealthy ballplayer hadn’t bought “a mansion” for his trainer to live in, Bonds answered:

“One, I’m black, and I’m keeping my money. And there’s not too many rich black people in this world. There’s more wealthy Asian people and Caucasian and white. And I ain’t giving my money up.”