From Tuesday’s Chicago Tribune, Ozzie Guillen on visiting accused machete maniac Ugueth Urbina (above) in his Venezuelan jail (link courtesy Scott Comeau).

“I’d rather be dead,” Guillen said. “Jail in Venezuela is not like jail in the U.S. In the U.S. you have the room by yourself, you eat three times a day. You have your own shower. In Venezuela, you gotta survive, papa. It’s not easy.

“. . . I know Ugie real well. Ugie’s the type of guy who takes three showers a day. . . . This guy is so clean. I think about how Ugie feels being in jail and it made me real sad. We call him Ugie ‘Coqueto.’ Coqueto means pretty boy. He’s in jail, he doesn’t take three showers, he doesn’t have cologne.”