(that Marlins ticket sales have experienced at least a single digit jump since this photo was taken can mean only one thing — a gold-plated dildo for David Samson)

Did the modest turnout for Miami’s first-ever victory at newly opened Marlins Park have anything to do with the furor over Ozzie Guillen’s recent pro-Castro remarks?  Or could it be that local sports fans are too upset over Sid Rosenberg’s latest DUI to enjoy a night at the ballpark?  Perhaps it was the fact the Astros have a Castro in the lineup,” suggests the Miami Herald’s Armando Salguero, who insists, “if there weren’t 9,000-10,000 empty seats then I’m carrying only two percent body fat…and I am definitely not carrying two percent body fat.”

There were wide swaths of empty seats at Marlins Park Friday night. Complete sections — 201, 202, 228, 327, and 307 among others — were barren. In all, at least 11 sections in this beautiful, sparkling new facility in Little Havana were more than 75 percent unoccupied.

That simply isn’t supposed to happen this year.

It’s not supposed to be this way in the franchise’s second game here. It’s certainly not supposed to be this way while the paint is still drying and the first waxing is still bouncing a reflection off the tiles.