(above : once upon a time, this kinda look would get you barred from walking within 200 feet of a public school. These days, you’d blend in just fine on the Hotel Vegas patio)

A number of people have taken considerable umbrage at jokes and/or disparaging comments aimed at an immensely popular singer-songwriter who passed away yesterday, some (though not all) opining that either you should STFU if you haven’t anything nice to say, or perhaps we could at least give the artist his due for being successful or tuneful or having entertained people with terrible taste.

I don’t know about you, but I love getting social media etiquette lessons, especially from a bunch of amateur shit-talkers, oversharers and persons who routinely either bore the fuck out of me or aren’t quite familiar with the word, “unsolicited”. So with that in mind, knowing there are any number of polarizing public figures who might shuffle off this mortal coil at any minute, I have prepared some damned-with-faint-praise responses you can cut and paste on your timeline when these deaths occur. No need to thank me, I do this purely out of love.

1) Donald Trump.
“Say what you will about his politics and boorish behavior, but his name was very easy to spell.”

2) Dick Cheney.
“Though he might have blood all over his hands, that’s really just an expression. In fact, his personal hygiene was better than average.”

3) Martin Shkreli (shanked in prison)
“Credit where due — his Thursday t-shirt was purchased from a fully licensed vendor.”

4) Bill Cosby
“Jello pudding pops are only 90 calories per serving”

5) R. Kelly
“Easily the most popular performer to have headlined a Pitchfork Music Festival.”

6) Lars Ulrich
“At least he made Dave Mustaine cry”

7) Dino Costa
(sorry, I’ve got nothing)