Perhaps Rafael Palmiero has watched the “Stop Snitching” DVD one too many times? The power-hitting Viagra pitchman says testifying before Congress conflicts with his wife’s birthday. Chicago’s Big Hurt is concerned that flying to Washington ” “could have adverse circulatory effects that could substantially impede Mr. Thomas’ recovery” from ankle surgery (perhaps setting the stage for some Dennis Bergkamp-style long drives to ChiSox road games).

Here are some other excuses that MLB’s All-Steroid Squad can feel free to try out :

Mark McGwire : can’t go, won an eBay auction to have the surviving members of Bullets For Pussy perform in his living room.
Sammy Sosa : threw his back out reading the subpeona.
Jason Giambi : he’s very sorry he can’t attend. He can’t say why he’s sorry, but he’s sorry just the same.
Jose Canseco : no dice, Thursday is Mrs. Palmiero’s birthday.