And suddenly, Kwame’s birthday cake robbery seems dignified by comparison. From the South Florida Sun-Sentinel’s Michael Cunningham :

Heat coach Pat Riley said guard Smush Parker (above) would be inactive while the team investigates an allegation that Parker twisted a woman’s arm during an argument over a valet parking fee.

Yomara McKenzie, 41, told police Parker injured her left arm Tuesday morning at a condo building at 355 Biscayne Blvd. According to a Miami police report, Parker was told he owed a $12 fee but said he paid the night before. The valets could not find a ticket for the car.

McKenzie’s attorney, Ron Guralnick, said he would file a complaint with the Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office this morning. Guralnick, a personal injury attorney, said he also would file a civil suit against Parker “for assault and battery, seeking compensatory and punitive damages.”

Parker’s agent, Bill Ceisler, couldn’t be reached for comment Thursday. On Wednesday, Ceisler said Parker, in a hurry to make Heat practice, didn’t have cash on hand and couldn’t find a working ATM within walking distance.

Police said Parker, denied his keys until the debt was settled, knocked over a podium out of frustration. McKenzie then told Parker he would have to pay for damaging the podium, the police report said.

Parker, 24, tussled with McKenzie in an attempt to retrieve the keys, according to the report. Guralnick said McKenzie went to the hospital Tuesday and was treated for “severe scratches” on her left arm, reported a “tingling sensation” in her fingertips and also complained of back and neck pain.