Former Spurs chairman Sir Alan Sugar, star of BBC2’s version of “The Apprentice”, might be the only business excecutive capable of making Trump, Cuban and Branson all look like charming dudes by comparison. While doing the requisite promo interviews, he had the following to say about life as a Premiership owner to the Telegraph’s Tony Freinberg and Andrew Warshaw.

Football players are scum, total scum. They’re bigger scum than journalists, don’t you understand? They don’t know what honesty or loyalty is. They’re the biggest scum that walk on this planet and, if they weren’t football players, most of them would be in prison, it’s as simple as that.

“Do not believe a word that comes out of their mouths,” he continued. “All they’re interested in is themselves. And, if something doesn’t go right, they’ll go behind you and stab you in the back. If you ever had to go into the trenches and you had to rely on people, don’t ever rely upon footballers.”

Sounds as though professional footballers are about as reliable as Sugar’s Amstrad cable boxes, emailer consoles (above) or ridiculous 1000 CD jukeboxes, all of which are amongst the most useless consumer products in history.